Today Ella had a follow up appointment with the ENT(ear,nose&throat) Dr. Little. As usual the NP came in to talk to me and give Ella the "once over" before the Dr came in then the audiologist came and gave Ella a test to check her hearing? Basically this test measures the beat of her ear drum if there is no raise in the "line" then the beat of the ear drum cannot be detected...so that means she has fluid in her ear. Of course...Ella has fluid, they couldn't detect any beat from her ear drum. Dr. Little gave my a RX for an antibiotic and we go back in 6weeks to see if the fluid is gone, if not we will schedule a time for him to put tubes in her ear. This is really not a big deal and the procedure itself only takes about 5min. I was just shocked, I didn't expect that. Dr. Little was also upset to see that Ella still had an "NG Tube" he said the tube could cause ear infections and that he thinks we should get a "G Tube" placed in her belly. I'm still not sold on the idea...I feel that if the "NG Tube " were causing ear infections she would be having them all of the time...not just 3 within a year??? I was so surprised by his unwillingness to listen to my side of it and it made it even worst because I was by myself. I felt intimidated and then for a minute I started to second guess myself. I hated feeling that way!!!!
In the car on the way home I was thinking about all this and was very stressed out by it. I am not totally against Ella getting a "G Tube" but I have been through the surgery with my best friends little girl and it was horrific!! So I guess I'm a little scared? It seems that Ella having the "NG Tube" bothers everyone else more that it bothers me? She is doing well, gaining weight and I think that is our biggest concern.
I know that I am the only person she has to stand up for her, the only person that will believe in her against all the odds and the only person that can say NO even if the Dr.s think I'm nuts. But today being by myself was hard and having to make all these decisions is very overwhelming. Driving home I realized today for the first time that I'm tired...Mentally I'm very,very tired and its very hard being strong , being a mother & trying to do what is the very best. I just wish I had someone to tell me what to do... just so I don't have to think for a little while.
Friday we will go to Dr. Denton and I hope it will be a little bit better than today...until then I will continue to pray for strength.
-Melissa
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3 comments:
You are a wonderful Mom Melissa and God has been with you the whole time. Continue to lean on Him and He will bring you through this time of uncertainty. Praying for you!
sorry that last comment was Lindsey. I forgot i was under my other account :)
I agree 100% w/ Lindsey. You are an amazing person and a wonderful mother. God made you that way and gives you the strength you need for all that you have gone and are going thru. Whatever decisions you make are good decisions because that is just what mom's do, make good decisions. Ella could not have a better mother. Keep the faith and stay strong! Trust yourself and trust in God always Melissa and no matter what it will be okay! Take care.
Tabitha(Wolfe)Abston
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